Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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