is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
