Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
