I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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