idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
