Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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