Since when is my name a synonym for head?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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