Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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