It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
