Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
