Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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