I seem to have left my pride at pride
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
