Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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