Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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