im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
