based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
