you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
