i think my mom watched the whole time
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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