I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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