I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
