If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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