Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
