But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
