So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
