i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
