my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
