chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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