Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
