I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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