weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
