either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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