I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
