Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My balls are so social today.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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