you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
