I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
