Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
