What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
