dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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