im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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