Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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