took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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