Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
