I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
