went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
