I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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