I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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