she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
