I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
