Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In America we eat man semen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
