Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
