He had one of those small greek statue penises
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
