dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
