Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
