Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
