party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
