so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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