If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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