you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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