nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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