The maid of honor just puked.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
