He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
