I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
