On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
