The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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