"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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