My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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